“Why do I have do go to the doctor?”
“…Because that drug is making you crazy.” She yanked Sally’s arm by the wrist even harder, which was saying something considering she was already bruising it. “Move it, already!” Louise, Sally’s mother, shoved Sally’s arm hard, and twisted it in the process. It was obvious to Sally that Louise was getting tired, and more importantly, annoyed with Sally and her hijinks, as she put it. She had already tried to calm the differences that Sally was dealing with by putting her on ADHD drugs, against the Dr’s suggestions.
Sally was used to her mother abusing her in some way. Always, the abuse was hidden by an excuse, this time it was the fact that Louise was in a hurry to get Sally to the Psychiatrist. “I’m fine.” Eleven year old Sally was anything but fine, and she knew it. But the psychiatrist’s office was near the top floor of the building, and Sally didn’t like that one bit. If it meant either getting over from feeling ill from a drug that was useless for her and not sleeping for days on end, and riding a cramped elevator, or feeling drugged all the time and feeling like she could never sleep, she’d take the drug any day.
It wasn’t that she liked staying awake, and she wasn’t keen on using prescription drugs, but she was beginning to enjoy being amped all the time anyway, which she was even before using the drug in the first place. Her IQ was already so high that Louise had a hard time keeping her in check, or keeping up with her at all, and Sally was incredibly high strung at the slow times. And then there was the way she thought in the first place. There is a difference between being intelligent and using that intelligence in a way that makes you act so differently and be so different that you might as well be from Mars because her social abilities were lost to it.
At the worst of times, she had a tendency to think of the wackiest things, and taking a drug for ADHD seemed like the obvious and simplest choice. The problem was, the Dr was positive the drug wouldn’t help. She needed to be rewired from the bottom up.
But for the moment, the thing was, Sally hated elevators… That cramped feeling, the lack of control… why, the whole lift could plummet to the bottom floor at any time! Why don’t others think of that when building these contraptions? Who wants to put their trust in an inanimate item such as a stupid lift anyway?
Louise had a firm grasp on Sally’s wrist, and was dragging her to the lift. It was obvious to Sally her mother wasn’t going to let go of her wrist, and her mother’s hand was starting to twist and burn against Sally’s arm. That said, Sally had gotten so used to the abuse that she didn’t consider what her mother was doing to her at that moment to be abuse. She just assumed her mother was in a hurry.
Sally also hated the feeling of sweat against her skin, and her mother sweat whenever she was upset, which was usually. It was also obvious to Sally that her mother needed to get help at the psychiatrists for herself, and not for her. Sally was just fine, thank you very much.
Sally was a well rounded child, albeit different. She had friends, and got good grades. In fact, she got such excellent grades that she already skipped more than one grade, and she was only eleven. The other kids in her grade made fun of her size, and she tended to lean to hanging with kids her age or even younger.
It wasn’t anything new to Sally that, at the moment, her mother was upset. Her mother was usually blaming someone or some thing other than herself. Sally sometimes wondered if her mother enjoyed being upset and inflicting pain on others. Whenever the woman couldn’t find someone to yell at, she would often yell at Sally and find an excuse to physically or mentally hurt her. So Sally found it beneficial to either stay away from her mother, or to be out with her in public, where there were others near so her mother could either not act abusive to Sally, or to find someone else to pick on. Therefore, Sally had become heavily self sufficient at a young age.
Before her mother swung it open, Sally noticed the plate on the doctor’s office door. The name ‘Dr. Sonja Kupter’ was inscribed on it.
Louise swung open the door to the Doctor’s office just slightly too hard, and traipsed into the room making loud stomping sounds with her feet as she walked in, Sally in tow. Sally helped open the door, but found that She really didn’t need to do so. It was solid wood, with a spring hinge at the top, and heavy. Still, Louise swung The Doctor’s door so hard, the door knob bounced off of the wall behind its rear, putting a dent in it.
Sally looked at the doctor, expecting a response. Oddly, she didn’t see one.
Sally nearly fell over when her mother yanked her by the wrist in to the office. She was getting tired of being dragged around. Furthermore, she was aware there was nothing much she could do about it. Sally was small, and even though her mother was also small, she was considerably stronger than Sally was, and Louise had practice yanking her around.
Sally wondered if her mother had forgotten that she was pulling her by the wrist in the first place, giving her a wrist burn, because sally’s wrist was hurting from the abuse, and she found herself scrambling to stay vertical. She found that she was twisting and turning her feet just to stay vertical.
Sally’s mother let go of Sally, nearly dropping her on the ground, placed her hands on the doctor’s desk, leaned on it, her eyes so wide, that Sally could see the whites around her pupils. This force ended up pushing The desk forward an inch. This looked strange to Sally because her mother was only 4 foot 11”. However, Louise acted fearless, and like she was twelve feet tall.
The woman couldn’t have been more than 90 pounds, or even less, but the doctor wouldn’t have ever have known it based on Louise’s actions. “Look, you overeducated moron,” Her mother spout, “I don’t care if you are a doctor. It’s obvious these drugs aren’t working. She needs something stronger.”
The doctor crossed her arms. “Maybe you should give her cocaine.”
Louise paused. “Well… I’m not so sure…”
The Doctor scoffed and stared Louise down but didn’t say anything.
Louise continued, “Sally hates this drug, and it’s making her frenzied, stupid, and over-stimulated. Yesterday, I found her cleaning out the dryer lint tray, and changing the air filter at four in the morning.”
Sally spoke to her mother, cautiously, “It needed it.”
She yanked Sally’s arm. “Quiet!”
Louise turned back to the doctor. “ What kind of child does that? She hates everything and everyone, and won’t calm down.” Said Sally’s mother.
“Maybe she’s just mean.” Dr. Kupter didn’t look phased by Louise’s outburst. In fact, she looked somewhat annoyed. “Maybe she learns from the people around her.”
Sally’s mother pursed her lips, and glared. She took a step back and tried to stare down the doctor. She couldn’t. It only made her mother look more disagreeable, abrasive, and immature. “ Now you listen here, you idiot. Do you know I got no sleep for three days thanks to you and this stupid drug.” Earlier, Sally saw Louise looking in the mirror, practicing what she was going to say. It was obvious to Sally that her mother loved confrontations, and when she couldn’t find one, she appeared to manufacture them.
“Are you worried about your child, or your sleep? I find it amazing that you were able to bring up your child beyond her baby years when she was crying.” The doctor rolled her seat backward, leaned back in her chair, and looked like she looked calm, but annoyed.
The comment only annoyed Louise further.
Sally could tell things weren’t going the way Louise had intended when she had practiced in the mirror. Sally knew her mother loved the feeling of control, but Dr. Kupter would not let her get away with anything remotely like it. “Your child doesn’t have to take any drug you don’t want her to take.”
Louise tightened her body even further, if that were possible. “Well then… I guess that’s OK. But she needs something. I need my sleep. I have to work.” Her mother looked only slightly annoyed, which was a reprise for her mother. It was obvious the doctor had diffused the situation considerably quicker than her mother had expected, and Sally was sure her mother did not like that at all.
“Look doctor, I really don’t care what you think. Weird things keep happening around my child, and she needs to be on drugs. Find something better.” Sally knew her mother valued conflict, and the conflict here had disappeared considerably more than Louise would have liked.
The doctor didn’t speak at first, possibly for nearly a minute. It had been so long, Sally could tell her mother was beginning to get annoyed again.
Then The Doctor spoke up, and so quietly, slowly, and nearly at a whisper that Sally wasn’t sure She was speaking a sentence. “What do you mean?”
“Well, weird stuff keeps happening around the house, and in public, I want her to do one thing, but everyone seems to agree with her, and I can’t get her to listen to me.”
Sally noticed Dr. Kupter stayed monotone, and she didn’t appear too keen on Sally’s mother. “Maybe she just has a better grasp on her reality than you do.”
Sally’s mother looked very unhappy. Sally was used to her mother intimidating just about anyone and everyone, and for some reason, this Doctor wasn’t phased a bit. “Doctor, if you don’t do something or put my child on a drug, we’ll find another Doctor that will.”
This time, strangely enough, Doctor Kupter flinched. “Well, we wouldn’t need that to happen, would we.”
“Well, that’s more like it. What are we talking about? Ritalin, Adderall, Concerta?”
“I had a better idea. Why don’t I take Sally under my arm, myself? Of course, there are negatives. She will be away from home often, and she might even sleep away from you for months at a time. Of course, she would be completely safe. There are countless people watching over the place.”
“What are you saying? Do you mean she won’t be around for a while?” Sally could hear a loosening in her mother’s voice, and it discomforted Sally. “But I’ll get some sleep. That’s what I’m asking.”
Doctor Kupter frowned. “Yes. You’ll get your sleep.”
It’s not that Sally’s mother was aggressive in the Doctor’s office, it’s that she always was. Furthermore, what the Doctor was confronting was the norm for Louise. Sally was well aware her mother had a screw loose. The woman lived for confrontations.
Louise seemed to Sally to take joy in being coarse, selfish, and angry, and Sally noticed that the more coarse her mother was, the more pleasure the Doctor took in reflecting it. Sally wondered if her mother knew how poor and selfish she was acting. Sally spent an inordinate amount of time avoiding her mother’s mental and physical abuse. Sally decided anger and selfishness were her mother’s primary emotions, and her mother appeared to get great joy out of both of them. There were many times where Sally would have been taken away by the Child Protective Services, if it wasn’t, strangely, for her psychiatrist coming bye and checking in on Sally from time to time. She even looked over the child while her mother was in prison.
As for Sally’s mother, the woman appeared to take great joy in pounding people just for the hell of it, even in prison, and she had already been in prison twice. Sally found that her mother seemed to legally keep finding her way out of prison, and then she would seem to try to find her way back into it. It was almost as if Louise wanted to be there, but she also liked getting out.
She even got into fights with prison officials the day she was supposed to leave the correctional facility, and had to stay longer. Yet, even then, somehow, the officials usually didn’t seem to want her there, because she was let out, anyway.
If she got caught again doing whatever, she would have been put away for an extended period, and possibly would have caused Sally to be taken away from her. It was unfortunate this didn’t happen, because, as Sally, and several hundred other people would eventually learn, being in prison could have eventually saved her mother’s life, along with countless others. Somehow, unbeknownst to Sally, and for reasons she couldn’t understand, her mother always got set free, early. She had a guardian angel.
Sally was not only misunderstood by her mother, but by just about everyone. The appeared to be true for her mother, too. Even after everything, and all the abuse, she loved her mother, and would have done anything for her. She made excuses for her odd behavior, and made allowances for them. Even behind the dangerous and selfish behavior, there was some nugget of goodness within her mother that needed to be protected, and Sally knew it. There was something about her mother that needed to be protected, and she was disliked so much, and by so many people, that she needed Sally. Sally knew this, and when she heard that the Doctor, Sonja, wanted to take her away, it terrified her. The only person her mother had to keep her mother grounded was Sally. If Sally were to leave, who knew how far off the deep end her mother would go.
Sally didn’t connect well in school, and her mother was starting to rub off on her. She often got into fights at school, and for a child of 4’7”, she usually came home with a black eye, or worse, a slightly fractured bone. Yet, for all the damage done to her, her mother never saw the horrifying damage done to the other child.
Furthermore, usually the people she fought were larger boys who were often picking on some unsuspecting child considerably younger or smaller than them. Sally hated that, and bullying in general. Maybe it was because she knew what it was like to be abused. But there was something else… there was a much stronger reason that kept her defending those children. She didn’t even have to know them. All she had to know was that they were helpless and had no control over those bullies. She hated that, and would go to great lengths to protect anyone who she felt were innocent.
When Sally came home with bumps and bruises, her mother was usually angry at first, but then appeared to let the whole scenario go. There was some sort of unsaid understanding between them. Maybe her mother felt guilt, after all, for treating Sally the way she did. But Sally was sure there was something else, something deeper than that.
Behind all her aggression, Sally’s mother seemed to be protecting Sally From an inevitability that was coming, whatever that was. Somehow, Sally could tell her mother knew something, and it must have been something important because her mother was often fighting it tooth and nail to keep it at bay, whatever it was. Yet she was tired and needed rest. Sally’s mother was hell bent on making sure Sally doesn’t have to confront that issue, and it was tearing her apart.
The problem was, Louise had no idea what she was up against, or how many people were fighting her. And furthermore Sally had no chance from the beginning. Soon, her mother would learn she was holding back a title wave.
The difference between Sally’s mentality, and her mother’s was her mother was willing to be angry at anything. Sally had motive. Sally hated bullies, and she loved getting into fights with them, even if she lost, which was often. But her mother seemed to hate everything in general, and wouldn’t put up with anything that got in her way, which was usually everything.
Yet, even then, Sally would go to great lengths to protect her mother. Sally could see what others couldn’t. And Sally would fight anyone that tried to hurt her mother, or anyone who could so easily be bullied.
But even worse, Louise didn’t seem to care about Sally’s fighting. As long as Sally was fighting, she felt at home. Sally knew nothing other than the way her mother treated others, which was in an extreme sociopathic and misanthropic manner. The way she treated others mimicked the way her mother treated her, and had nothing to do with her demeanor. Sally wasn’t an angry sociopath. Her mother was. So Sally spent most of her time with one. Yet, unlike those others who have been abused who suffered from the Stockholm Syndrome, Sally wouldn’t have to deal with that, because behind her mother’s kooky mentality, there was a kernel of sense behind it. Sally didn’t know this consciously, but her mother was a perfectly sane, and normal person. It was those who would ruin her life that were not.
Sally was only eleven, and she wasn’t ready for the real world, so she couldn’t run away, and she wouldn’t anyway, she just had to deal with her mother the best she could. At times, strangely enough, Dr. Kupter would come over and spend time with Sally in her room.
When Sally was on her ADHD drug, it was a disaster. Before she got off of it, Sally became so revved up, she stayed up for three days in a row.
The problem was, and Louise was well aware of this, Sally didn’t have anything remotely like ADHD. There was no drug for what Sally had, and if there was, no human should have been on it.
“Sally, I haven’t slept for three days. I need to get some rest for work.” Sally had to wonder if the fact that Sally needed help was what bothered her mother the most, or that her mother was tired, which made her too tired to work. “If I don’t work, I won’t make money, and I won’t have any way to feed you”. ‘It wasn’t normal for her mother to care about anyone or anything other than herself,’ Sally thought, ‘so why should this be any different?’ Sally decided.
But the more Sally thought about it, she realized that her mother was trying to protect her. Louise had to spend an inordinate amount of time caring for her daughter. There was something different about Sally than other children, and she had to be looked after constantly.
But what really put Louise over the edge were the constant government calls. Every day there seemed to be something new she had to deal with, and it was driving her nuts. The only time she didn’t get calls was in prison, and she appeared to enjoy not getting them whilst she was in there, and took advantage of that situation, often. For the first time, she actually slept, abundantly. Sometimes, she would spend the night in jail just to get a good night’s rest.
It was her mother’s seventh job, and not a good one at that. Even at work, the government seemed to find her, and find a way to bother her, further. Yet, She loved Sally so much, Sally noticed her mother refused to leave Sally’s side. Sally’s mother appeared to take joy in insulting her bosses, and just about anyone, and that usually ended up with her without a job. Nobody put up with the woman, with exception of Sally. Still, Sally rarely saw her mother, and that was intended, and when her mother wasn’t in prison.
As for the drug Sally was originally on, they both hated the drug, and her mother took Sally off of it immediately the next day after Sally’s long waking hours.
Sally’s mother’s eyes looked dead, and to and extent, she looked like a zombie to Sally, “I can’t protect you anymore. Something is going on, and it’s of my control.”
Sally leaned forward, and felt confused.“What are you talking about? You are a great mom.”
“Sally, there are things I have not explained to you. You need to trust me. There is nothing else I can do. They’ve won.” She glared at Sonja. “You’ve won, OK?”
Sonja leaned back in her chair again with a soft grin on her mouth. “ Here. Take these pills, they are for Sally instead of the ADHD drugs. And I don’t know what you are talking about.”
Louise tensed up, possibly with all the energy she had left. She pursed her lips, “Yes. You do.” She stood up, grabbed Sally’s wrist again, and grabbed the pills. “Come on, Sally, we need to have you pack.”