Color and Dash Oil paintings

in the past, a good painting feeling was unimportant to me. I focused on creating a new form (which I did on my first style). But now I am focusing on my  current style and how my art looks and makes me feel. I am using it to feel good as my counselor suggested. I am working on a style that focuses on making art that is not fully formed. Part of this (most) is from that past piece that was hanging on my parents  wall originally. I took it down and continued it. As you can see, it is starting to not look horrible… but I still have a way to go.

But you can see from the stars on your top left that it is painted fast and loose-the stars have gaps in the lines and are not painted as edges, (which is funny because that is the opposite of how I think… which, in the past was trying to control everything in my art.

The candy canes on the right will be the same way once this layer has dried mostly. The red stripes will be painted loosely and not even on the canes, but they will look like they are melting off. The ground will soon be worked on, and then the canes will make more sense, and not just hanging in the air.

In the future, on future pieces, I will always paint like this, quite possibly, creating a unique style (and easy and fun  way to paint)

I have been working on the meaning of what I am creating and why. This form involves the separation of the parts to create each whole. 

I have always believed that what we see and study in everything, especially physics, is actually a false reality that appears to work at the level at which it's seen. Another words, we have classical newtonian  physics, and then we have quantum physics, and they don't appear to work together. I believe that there is something even more complex and possibly smaller that makes sense for everything. It's just that we need to get past what we think we know.

This is where my art comes in. We usually see the reality in art as it connects to reality. A tree is a tree. A mountain is a mountain. But with this idea, everything is like we open a box of reality, and all its parts jump out for us to see as its real reality, 

My ideas disassociate all the ideas to their parts. None of this may prove anything, but it may at least get you thinking, and it will give me a reason to paint. I can't paint just for the sake of painting. I need a reason. 

I will go a step farther. Because of my MS and various forms of depression (something I have had to struggle with, even before I was diagnosed with MS), my life came to a pinnacle months ago. I tried to commit suicide twice in one day. At that point, I realized I have a very hard time living, and I need a reason to live. Doing this gives me a reason to spend between 1 and three hours a day exercising (something you have to do with MS) and eating bland soulless food (something you must also do with MS and IBS). 

I needed a reason to wake up and get off the couch. I am attempting to find my reason here.